What divorce taught me so far: 5 loving lessons

What divorce taught me so far is that what feels like the end, is really just the beginning. It’s been nearly 2 years since my divorce was finalized and I feel like I have my feet firmly planted back underneath me for the first time in a long while. Life isn’t perfect on the other side; it never is nor will it ever be, and that’s good because perfection gets boring real quick. But it does feel good to have joy in my life again and today I’ll take that.

So if you’re in need of a bit of encouragement today, read on to discover what divorce has taught me so far– I hope it helps you along your journey as it has helped me!

1. The Universe is FOR you!
2. Music, connection and laughter are healing
3. Happiness is the reward for hard work
4. Mindset matters
5. Life is magical

1. The Universe is for you

Back in 2019 when the ground started to shake beneath me and the foundation of my married home started to crumble, I was lost. So, so lost. I had married my best friend and never thought that I would go through a divorce. Not me. I had witnessed my parents’ divorce and vowed that I would never put my kids through that. And here I was, sitting in a pile of ashes trying to figure out why in the world this was happening to me. And that’s when a friend told me that this wasn’t happening TO me, this was happening FOR me.

That one little preposition changed everything. I took that mantra to heart and started to look at my life circumstances differently. The divorce was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. I could resist the change and believe that the Universe was a cruel, unjust place; or I could accept my circumstances and believe that the Universe was a loving, supportive place that wanted to grow my soul and expand my horizons through life lessons. Two years later, I am learning how to love and value myself and it’s a powerful feeling. What divorce taught me was to believe that the Universe has my back. And it does. Just like it has yours.

Music, connection and laughter are healing

I went through my divorce at the onset of the Covid pandemic in 2020. I felt isolated and really, really alone. When I couldn’t stand the isolation of the Antler Den , I’d pop my earbuds into my ears and take a walk around the neighborhood listening to soul-filling music. I’d walk and I’d cry. I’d walk and I’d sing. I’d walk and realize that the songs that struck my heart were written by musicians who had experienced a similar pain. When I was listening to music, I knew I wasn’t alone and little by little, step by step, musical note by musical note, my soul started to heal.

A friend of mine (who is about two years ahead of me on the post-divorce journey) shared a playlist with me that walked me through the phases of grief. About a year into my divorce journey, I went to see this friend along with my authentically crazy & beautiful soul sister Sari (aka Foxy). We shared a weekend of laughter, shenanigans, deep conversation, dress-up, tacos and dance parties. Through music, laugther and deep connection I felt another click in my healing journey.

There are a few other healing trips that stand out: the Vybrant Star Pixies weekend in Lincoln City, the “one-night-only” trip to Vegas to see Gaga, the Chicks concert with my co-workers. What divorce taught me is that we are never alone when we fill our soul with music and the company of good friends who know how to laugh hard and play hard. Life is short. If you’re in the blues today, my recommendation is to put on some good tunes, roll down the windows and search out some good friends who know how to lift you up when you need it the most. Yes, there’s a time and place for tears. But there’s also a time in place to remember to feel the goodness of life. Because life IS good and the Universe IS for you, and times WILL get better. So do your best to seek out joyful moments along the journey. If I was able to do it during Covid times, I know that you can do it too!

Happiness is the reward for hard work

If you’re like me, perhaps you feel like a love warrior who is covered in battle wounds. There’s a big wound on my heart, obviously, and it’s mending. There’s another on my throat, where I needed to (metaphorically) re-insert some vocal chords in order to speak my truth. There are some shoulder scars where my wings have sprouted as I’ve broken free of my cage. There is the toltec scar on my right foot that reminds me that it’s okay to ask for help. There are the stretch marks on my belly, where I’ve given birth to three beautiful souls and some big dreams. I look at all these places where I have felt pain and I see now that the wounds are healing. All of them.

It was on my solo trip home afer visiting a dear friend in Gig Harbor Washington, when I noticed that the vice grip that had a hold of my heart for the previous several years was gone. I made that 8 hour journey while listening to Jewel’s powerful story Never Broken. As I was driving home I felt the fullness of her story and how it related to mine and it had me crying and surrendering and forgiving and letting go of so much pain that was no longer serving me. This drive was a shift on my journey because somewhere in the middle of the hundreds of miles on I-84, the pain that had squeezed my heart for so long suddenly released and opened up a space of joy and self-love. My tears turned to laughter instantly. And damn did that cathartic drive feel good!

In his book, the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*#K, Mark Manson says that negative emotions are a call to action and that positive emotions are the rewards for solving a problem. Or, as it makes sense to me, positive emotions such as happiness are the rewards for doing the hard work. What divorce taught me is that it’s important to pay attention to our feelings. Where it doesn’t feel good, there’s work to be done. Face it. Examine it. Move through it. Release it. Then feel the joy that rises up after the release. Feel the positive emotions and know that that’s what true happiness is…it’s a reward for doing the hard work of healing your inner wounds. Sorry, as much as I would’ve liked one, I’ve learned that there’s no fast forward button; you cannot rush the healing. But oh my, when healing happens, the joy that you’ll feel is so expansive! Keep going!

Mindset matters

And when all else fails, we have to look at the things we’re telling ourselves. What are we choosing to believe? How are we speaking to ourselves? Do we say kind, encouraging words? Do we listen to our inner voice of love? Or do we allow fear and self-doubt to control our mind? I’ve expercienced all the voices in this spin cycle of emotions for the past several years, and what I know for certain is that what we think is what we will bring forth into our lifes. There’s no such thing as “good” manifestors and “bad” manifestors. There’s only thoughts become things. What we think in the 5-D becomes reality in 3-D. Good or bad, that’s how the Universe responds.

A few months ago I was hosting a Sisterhood of the Moon event when an attendee read to me a “Note from the Universe” that was delivered to her email that morning. I had never heard of Mike Dooley and his inspiring Notes from the Universe prior to that night under the full moon, but that one conversation changed everything for me. The Note from the Universe spoke an affirming, encouraging word in a few simple, short sentences and soon afterwards I found myself following Mike Dooley’s Notes from the Universe and Spiritual Tune-Ups Podcasts and everything started to click. I am thrilled to announce that I am now a certified trainer in the Infinite Possibilities program and am beyond excited to see where the Universe will lead me next! Stay tuned!! 🙂

The timing of Mike Dooley’s Infininte Possibilities mindset training course couldn’t have been more divine. I was already beginning to see how what I thought was guided by what I believed to be true, and that that reality would present itself in my life: good, or bad. I was beginning to realize that our minds are infinitely more powerful that we can ever imagine, which was affirmed for me while I was at my first ever yoga retreat at Feathered Pipe Ranch in Montana. It was there that I stepped (quite literaly) into one of my vision boards. Thoughts, driven by our beliefs, which are guided by our emotions really do become things.

There is much more to come on this point. But for now, let’s just say that what divorce taught me is that my mindset matters and it’s powerful beyond measure. And your mindset matters too. If you want to change the way you feel, you need to change the way you think. It may sound harsh, but it’s true. Words have wings which fly out into the Universe and are received and fulfilled. I need to remind myself every single day that my thoughts become things. The 5D becomes the 3D. That’s how it works and it’s pretty frickin’ phenomenal when we understand that and put it into motion!

Life is magical

Here’s where life gets really good on the post-divorce journey! When you know that the Universe is FOR you, and you’ve intentionally spent time healing through music, connection and laughter and you start to feel joy rise up within you as your redirect your mindset to pay attention to the emotions, beliefs and thoughts that you’re experiencing, you start to notice that life is magical, and you’re the magician!

Case in point: I’m writing this post from a stunning patio in Santa Fe, New Mexico where I’m overlooking the Sangre de Christo mountain range while feeling the warm breeze move across my face. It’s my annual retreat with my best friends and this year we call ourselves the Dancing Desert Queens. Not suprisingly, we have been treated like royalty, as indicated by our retreat name.

I started to receive magical gifts of abundance as soon as the trip began: no one in the row with me as I took off (and napped) on my first leg of the flight, free beer on the plane as my bestie and I caught up on leg two of the flight, an upgrade to a BMW on our car rental, a hot air balloon ride which culminated in a champage toast and certificates (gosh I love acknowledgement for an accomplishment!), an early check-in at our beautiful villa, a free margarita while in the plaza having cocktails, the whimsically beautiful art experience of Meow Wolf, and of course, our time together that’s been filled with music and laughter. Oh, and did I mention that New Mexico is called the Land of Enchantment, which was the focus of my writing and teaching for the Virgo series of the Sisterhood of the Moon?! I literally stepped into the place where I had been focusing my attention for the previous months: the Land of Enchantment!

What divorce taught me is that the magic is always happening, we just need to learn to tune in and notice it. Then start to play with it. I mean, PLAY. Hop on a unicorn and take a ride across the expansive sky. Take a dive into the depths of the mystical sea and dance with a mermaid. Pop in your earbuds and listen to Christina Perri’s inspiring song “I believe” and know that life is going to be better than okay; it’s going to be magical. I believe in you. “This is not the end of me, this is the beginning” -Christina Perri.

Welcome to the soul journey of a lifetime. You are in great company and I’ll be here beside you every step of your way, speaking words of truth and encouragement for those days when you need it most. May you look to the magical, infinite possibilites of the Universe today and know that the life you’re desiring is in the palms of your hands. What divorce has taught me is that each of us will find our own Land of Enchantment in time; it’s there waiting for you to awaken it. So what are you waiting for? Want to come along on this magical journey with me? Say yes and just see what happens!

Namaste