If someone had told my younger self that one day I would be fifty and single, I would’ve laughed out loud! My path was always the traditional one: first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby (or three) in the baby carriage! That’s the end of the children’s rhyme. It doesn’t say how after 20 years of marriage that fairy tale may end.
So here I am, just weeks away from being fifty and I’m at peace with being mid-century and single. In fact, I’m excited for the adventues ahead and here’s why: I now know my self worth and I know that at 50 I am being gifted with an opportunity to live my life in a courageously authentic way. I’ve released expectations of others and have learned to embrace my own innner guidance system and I am happy at the core of my being for the first time in a very long time! Woo hoo! Raise your coffee mug to that!
Making peace with being alone
The hardest hurdle I’ve had to leap over on this road to self-rediscovery is loneliness. It’s the emotion that has hurt the most and also that has taught me the most about how to love myself. Just the other day at work, my coworkers (who I love with all my heart and soul) were standing around talking about who brings them (or doesn’t bring them) coffee in the morning. Before I could check myself, I flipped off this beautiful tribe of women with both birds blazing and told them all “fuck off! I’m single and I make my own damn coffee!” and stormed away.
I was appalled at my outburst, even if it was said partially in gest. It had me thinking for the rest of the day: Yeah, I do make my own coffee. Every night I lovingly take care of my future self by setting the coffee timer for the morning so I can awake to the lovely smell of fresh brewed coffee wafting through my house. This is a simple act of self love and a ritual that I have grown to look forward to. Each morning, after 30 minutes of writing in my most comfortable bed, my sweet puppy Jasper accompanies me to the kitchen as we begin our morning ritual of waking up before the sun. Yoga with coffee and Adriene, followed by a rush to get out the door to meet with my delightful coworkers (who have forgiven me for my double birds and hateful words).
What coffee taught me
That simple moment talking about coffee and partners shed a light on a pain point that I’m still working through, three years post-divorce. I want to have another partner in life and I currently don’t have one. I have a choice to make with how I respond to this reality:
- I can get bitter and angry and continue to flip people off who are in loving, committed relationships, allowing jealously and fear to steer the direction of my life.
- I can be grateful for the freedom that I have to live my life on my own terms for the first time ever and alllow excitement to lead me on an adventure in quest of love.
Which mindset do you think I chose?!?
I chose gratitude. Because here’s what I know for sure: when you stop focusing on what you do not have and turn your mind to appreciating what you do have, you create an energetic shift that wants to reward you with more good things for you to appreciate. I know that being alone is a temporary situation as I continue to work through my healing. I know that one day I will be so crazy in love again it will make the people in my life want to vomit (and possibly throw middle fingers at me). I know that I am loveable, loving, and derserving of someone who wants to love me fully and completely, exactly as I am.
So, as I was dancing alone in my kitchen the other night making dinner, I put on my soul singer Alanis Morissette. The song All I Really Want from her 1990s break-though album Jagged Little Pill came on and I found myself falling in love with it all over again: the beauty, the anger, the truth.
Lyrics from All I Really Want“And I am fascinated by the spiritual man, I’m humbled by his humble nature, yeah. And what I wouldn’t give to find a soul-mate, someone else to catch this drift, and what I wouldn’t give to meet a kindred”
Joy in the journey
I know that I am not the first person to face the world of dating for a second time in life. My dear high school friend from the OG 1990 Alanis Morissette days and I are planning a Fifty and Single Road Trip this summer that I will certainly share more about here! I hope you’ll come along virtually for the ride! And in a few weeks I’ll be gathering my tribe of friends to celebrate my birthday with me in beautiful Walla Walla– stay tuned for stories of love, friendship and shenanigans! But for now, I will end this post by sharing two pictures that make my heart smile. The first is picture of the force of love that taught me how to throw double birds (LOL)— I love you Mama! The second is one of my beautiful coworkers who spontaneously joined me for cocktails and popcorn the other night when I was in need of a friend.
If you are new to this post-divorce journey, I encourage you to surround yourself with good people, cultivate a grateful mindset, and detatch from the outcome. Just buckle up, set your inner GPS to happiness, and enjoy the twists and turns on the journey! And if you’re feeling particularly courageous, share a pic or an insight in the comment section below. I’d love to hear about your lessons in love!