“The struggle you’re facing is a test to see if you’re truly committed to the life you say you want” –Anonymousfrom I really needed this today by Hoda Kotb and Jane Lorenzini
I started Let Love Rise in 2021 a few weeks after I had a Covid epiphany. It was March of last year and I had received a false positive Covid test which had me reeling in anger that was disproportionate to the reality of the situation. I was so outraged with the virus for how it had taken even more from me than what I had already lost through my divorce and unexpected departure of my son to therapeutic boarding school. When I unpacked my anger and got to the root of the issue, I realized that the virus was trying to teach me something.
You see, it was around March of 2021 when the coronavirus mRNA technology was becoming widely available, and I was incredibly conflicted over whether or not I should get the shot. I was unsure about the safety of this man-made molecule and up to then, I had always preferred natural prevention and homeopathic remedies to help my body heal. The mRNA was being pushed out so quickly and during a time when my life was literally falling apart, I didn’t have the mental capacity to research what they were calling the vaccine, so I continued to defer making my choice. Then the events that sent me over the edge of ire occurred and I heard a voice say “Andrea, own your convictions”. And it was like a lightbulb went off. The Coronavirus was here to teach me something and my Covid lesson was to own my convictions.
The Shock Point
I ultimately made the choice to not inject the mRNA into my body, but yet I continued to hide that fact from most people because somewhere along the way, it became a politically divisive issue. As a Nine on the Enneagram, I’m by nature a “peace keeper”. I didn’t want to have any uncomfortable conversations with friends and family members who made different decisions for their bodies. I knew that the popular opinion was that “non-vaxers” were putting themselves and the community at risk; that we were part of the problem and not the solution. I felt shame in that judgement, as if I were letting people I cared about down. I realized that for most of my life I have put the thoughts and beliefs of others above my own; I have gone with the flow, taken the easy path in order to avoid hard conversations and disruption of the peace. So I avoided it. Until now.
I’m currently home with the virus in my body (fortunately for me I’ve had very mild symptoms). Since I’m not allowed to go to work this week, I’ve had a lot of time to think about my conviction to not implant the mRNA, time to rest, and time to spend at home with my adorable 6-month old sidekick, Jasper. On Tuesday I got a random notification on my phone about the Enneagram 2.0 podcast, episode 51 (which I found sort of strange because it was released on January 20th, nearly a month prior) It was called “Third Year of COVID-19: Meeting this Global Shock Point with Consciousness” (listen here). I took it as a sign from the Universe that I needed to give it a listen so when Jasper and I were taking a walk later that day I listened to the hosts discuss “the ways we can transform pandemic-related challenges into inner growth opportunities.” They went on to emphasize that “This collective stress around the globe can be seen as a call for conscious evolution… When dealing with this external shock, we can meet it with consciousness and awareness, and use it to help us move in a positive direction.” I was like “whoa!” They’re talking about the same thing that I’ve been ruminating over. What is it that this virus has stripped away from your life? What barriers have been removed or what obstacles have been put in place that are calling you to examine your inner beliefs? How is the virus a blessing in disguise?
The full moon in Leo
Then Wednesday, as Jasper and I were picking up around the house, I tuned in to the weekly Pele Report with my favorite modern day astrologer Kaypacha. If you want to hear some really incredible Earthly applications of what is happening in the celestial skies, check out the Astrology for the Soul Episode from February 16, 2022 (click here: the first 10 minutes explain the astrology then the last 15 minutes provide the real-life pertinence). Essentially, he (and the planets) asks us, what is being removed from your life in order to make way for something new? What’s being stripped away? It’s the same question that was being asked in the Enneagram 2.0 podcast and the same question that I have been contemplating for the past two years. There is something far greater than us human beings that is challenging our soul evolution by removing all that we’re overly attached to.
For me, I had to lose my husband. Then my work as a teacher. Then summer travel and concerts. Then my son (for a year and half of treatment). Then my dog. Then my house. Then my beloved former student and friend. Then my boyfriend. I have lost a lot, as we all have. And some of this I chose to lose by not injecting the mRNA. And some has been removed for me to clear a path for something new. I have learned that I am NOT in control of so many things in my life. But I AM in control of how I will respond to my current life situation. The full moon in Leo (which is the day that I’m writing this, February 16), is calling us to shine our own unique light and to share our gifts with those around us.
The New Moon in Aquarius
Two weeks ago, at at the onset of the new moon in Aquarius, I planted a seed asking for guidance on how I can use my story of heartbreak and loss to help others along their journey with grief. I don’t think that there’s any coincidence that I’ve spent the past two weeks contemplating and experiencing the Coronavirus first hand in response. Today, under the light of the full moon, there’s a brand new me (this post’s theme song by Alicia Keys) giving gratitude for the life that I currently live and for the lessons that Covid has taught me. I am no longer afraid of what others will think of me, as long as I live my life with love and integrity and respond to the voice of my own inner light, which of course is connected to the great universal light that connects us all. I I have learned to see the obstacles as detours in my journey to the brand new me. I have learned that it’s okay to own my convictions and speak my truth with love. Like Sidartha discovers in Herman Hesse’s novel, it’s time to allow the wound to blossom.
Sidartha learns“The only important thing is being able to love the world. Not to condemn it, not to hate it and myself, but to be able to view it and myself and all beings with love and admiration and awe.” –Herman Hesse
I believe that my soul chose to incarnate into this life, at this place and time in history during the Coronavirus pandemic, and that it chose to lose so many things it had learned to love so that I would find myself, and love her. Truly love her. Not the wife, not the mother, not the teacher, not the mentor, not the friend, not the girlfriend. HER. When she is all alone, just her and the light that shines within her. I believe that we’re all being called to ask ourselves what the Coronavirus is here to teach us? Your Covid lesson is probably quite different from mine. And you and I may stand on different sides of the discussion about the mRNA, and that’s OK. The light in me honors the light in you (significance of the word Namaste). We all share this beautiful planet that we’re bobbing around in space on, and we are all collectively moving through the pain that the last two plus years has brought to Earth. It’s time to love one another better, despite views that are different from our own. Therein lies the contrast that weaves beauty into the tapestry of life. It’s time to listen to each other. Kaypacha implores us to be a lighthouse of love and I agree that that’s the only way forward. The Coronavirus has stripped us of so many things so that we might find our own inner light. Won’t you join me in being a lighthouse of love? Shine your love so brightly for those around you, and be a safe space where weary souls can take refuge, even if they’re sailing into your safe harbor from a land of different views. Namaste
Brand New Me was sent to me by my beloved dance teacher, friend and mentor, and it speaks to my soul. Thank you Jollene. I hope that Alicia’s words and voice will speak to yours as well.
If you’d like to read more about the complete story behind “own your convictions”, read my post Wisdom of Winter.