Breaking the Pattern: Love Lesson Number 9

It was the Winter we drank old fashions when I finally got the courage to break the pattern. My long, out-dated, broken record that sang a hauntingly tragic love song on repeat finally ended.

You see, it wasn’t the first winter that we drank old fashions together. And it wasn’t the first time we broke up either. As deeply as our souls loved one another, we would never fit into each others’ lives the way the other wished we would. We simply could not get past certain objections with the other, and yet, we loved deeply.

The pattern I couldn’t leave

Have you been there before? In love with the potential of what could be? And even though you know that there’s no forward solution, you stay because… well … it’s comfortable there. It’s safe. It’s known. It feels better than being alone (ouch).

But what I realized this winter is that my love pattern was finally being made clear to me through this relationship. I stay in relationships far after their date of expiration because I have a hard time letting go. And I love the idea of being in love so much so that it has led to self-abandonment, which has meant staying even when I know it’s not what’s best for either of us.

This pattern runs deep for me, and it wasn’t until this Winter when I finally understood the message of my Soul Roadmap. That message was revealed to me through the biggest pattern breaker of them all, our Pluto Card.

Pluto wants to evolve us, transform us, grow us into the best and highest expression of ourselves. And that kind of transformation requires some significant fortitude to endure the loss that usually comes first. And I was alwasys too afraid to let go.

But when your Pluto Card (your Card of Transformation) happens to be one of the two divorce cards in the deck (Nine of Hearts), you know that you have a heck of a lot of growth to do in the area of love. This is the Soul Roadmap I came here to experience as a 10 of Diamonds person.

So it was during this second winter of drinking old fashions that I finally understood the message of my Nine of Hearts Pluto Card (let goooooo), but I had to feel my way through it first.

Love Connections in the Magi Cards

It’s in understanding the astrology of the Magi Cards that we understand our connections to others in our lives. There are really postitive connections (Moon, Venus, Jupiter to name a few) as well as really challenging connections (Saturn, Pluto, Karma cards to name a few more).

Our Magi cards reflected a deeply rooted love story from previous lifetimes. You see, I’m a 4 of Spades birth card and this beautiful soul of which I write is a 3 and 7 of Spades. Yup, a double spade. Those are rare to come by. At any rate, he and I had many lovely connections and that’s why choosing to leave was so hard.

The 3 of Spades is Moon to the 4 of Spades. The Moon connection is a lovely aspect to have in a relationship. The Sun, in this scenario, is equipped to lead the relationship, and the Moon is there to lovingly support and encourage the journey. It’s a beautiful dynamic if both ships are steering the same direction. And when they’re not…well…the ship sinks. And the love story typically ends. Unless you’re a tenacious 4 of Spades like me and you continue to hold tightly to the security of what’s clearly broken.

The 7 of Spades is Mars to the 4 of Spades. The Mars connection is a passionate bond from other lifetimes. This connection speaks of lives between former enemies, or siblings or lovers who were unable to unite in that lifetime. There is a firery passion between these two souls. This eneregy is best used in physical activities, love making, hobbies, etc. If not, watch out for passionate arguing. We used our Mars energy well.

The 7 of Spades and the 4 of Spades share a mutual Venus connection in this lifetime. The Venus connection speaks of friendship, common love for shared interests, fun, love, beauty, creation and a joy of being together. It’s a beautiful connection, like you would imagine best friends to share. I really can’t think of a Venus downside…perhaps overdoing the fun?

There were many deeply rooted connections between myself and this pattern-reflector, including his 3 of Spades being my Cosmic Reward. Yes, it is as good as the name of that connection sounds!

But beyond our beautiful soul connections, our life circumstances were pulling us in different directions, and my Pluto card continued to whisper to me…”it’s time to break the pattern! Release yourself from this cycle. Do not resist the ending. Upgrade your self love.”

Oh, the mighty 9 of Hearts, the Universal Giver of Love Card, my card of transformation… I think I finally hear you.

Relationships as teachers

A wise soul once told me that we accept the love we think we deserve.

I’ll say that again: we accept the love we think we deserve. In the 5 and a half years years since my divorce, I’ve fallen for a man who loved me but also loved another at the same time, a man who just needed a little more space…like all the space to himself…, a man who saw a glimpse of something so real and so beautiful and raw that he ran away, a man who loved me to the depths of his being, but could not show that same love to himself.

And then there was the man who loved to play soccer, snowboard, listen to punk rock, make passionate love and drink old fashions. He was the punk rock to my pop rock, the broody to my bright, the dark to my light. And the one who reflected to me my need to love myself enough to walk away.

My Nine of Hearts (“The Universal Giver of Love/ Divorce Card”) Pluto card reminds me that the endings are there to upgrade me in some way. The completions are a necessay part of the transformation journey that I chose for this lifetime.

When my Soul Purpose Journey began, I didn’t love myself very much at all. I felt broken by the failure of my 20-year marriage and certainly didn’t feel worthy of love and all my relationships reflected that brokeness back to me.

And yet, with each and every one of them, I have learned something powerful about the woman I’m becoming on the other side of my divorce.

The Love Lesson Number 9

Here’s what I know now: the winter we drank old fashions became the winter I chose myself.

Not because the love wasn’t real, and not because the connection wasn’t deep. But because, for the first time in my life, I loved myself enough to courageously walk away.

I heard the whisper of my Nine of Hearts asking me to let go, and instead of resisting the ending, I honored it. And as a result, I let it complete me instead of break me.

This isn’t a story about heartbreak. It’s a story about evolution. It’s a story about a woman who came here to learn how to let go and is finally, beautifully, learning how. It’s a story about how we can all understand our patterns better by understanding our Pluto card, the card of Soul Transformation.

And ultimately, it’s a story about Love Lesson Number Nine: The greatest love story you will ever live is the one where you finally choose yourself.

May the music of Michael Franti encourage you to break up with everthing you don’t need.

And if you’d like to know more about your Magi card of Trasnformation & your personal Pluto card, connect with me! It would be my honor to be a light on your path of soul evolution.

Here’s to love and joy in the journey,

Andrea Blythe, The Traveling Magi of Let Love Rise